I used to love my birthday. I always looked forward to it and I was always disappointed. I did eventually stop celebrating my birthday but not for the reasons you might think. It was not to avoid the pain of disappointment and the depression that arose from comparing how many people celebrated me to the fanfare others were receiving. I stopped celebrating for a completely different reason.
When I began to awaken to the magic and mystery of the universe — to realize that there was so much more to life than what I was raised to believe — things changed dramatically for me. It was not an easy transition. I lost a lot of the things I valued most in my life before things started to get better. It was a difficult journey. One that I would not have volunteered for.
I lost my health, my job, my friends, my ability to drive, my confidence, my financial security, and I was close to losing my sanity. If I had not had a sense of the mystical nature of the universe and faith — as tiny as it was — in a higher power, I would have lost that too. Stripped of all material and physical structure, I was left to do some deep exploration.
I didn’t realize it at the time but even before the loss came, I had already begun my inner search when I noticed how unhappy I was, despite the fact that I had everything I had wished for. I had a good paying job, I was newly engaged and I had just bought a new car. I was well on the way to living the western dream of getting married, owning a house, and having 2.5 children.
I realize now that my growing awareness of my unhappy state and the questions I had begun to ask had catapulted me on a trajectory that would land me where I am now — joyful and well. Before I could get there though, I had to go through the painful process of a spiritual transition. I had to go through a “dark night of the soul”, which for me lasted years. Though it was not an easy journey, I would not trade that experience for anything in the world because that would mean giving up who I became.
Well, you see, in order to become the person I am now I had to learn to love myself. More than that, I had to learn to cherish, value and honour myself. When I was able to do that — I mean really embody that truth and not just say the words — I realized that everyday was my birthday. Everyday was a celebration. If I isolated out one day to celebrate then that would minimize the rest of them.
So when others celebrate my birthday and get me gifts and wish me well, I experience that in a completely different way than I used to. There are no expectations that this day is going to be more special than the day before or the day after. There is not that disappointment I used to feel every single year when someone forgets to say happy birthday or I don't think the gift they got me was thoughtful enough. I no longer count the number of gifts or the people who remember my day and compare that to what is in the experience of others I know. Thank G-d I stopped doing this before the day of social media because I think I would have crawled into a hole and never come out.
Don't get me wrong, I love being pampered and witnessed and receiving gifts and affection. It's a lovely thing. I just don't expect it, nor do I tie my worth to it. I enjoy what comes and don't feel bad about what does not. I no longer feel that anything is missing or that the day does not meet my standards for what a birthday should be. And as far as how I treat myself. As I said. Everyday is my birthday and when I want a gift, I get one for myself. When I want to pamper myself, I do. When I want to have cake, I do. I do not wait for one specific day in the year and try to fit in all my wishes and desires.
Now I'm going to say something that may seem to be a contradiction to what I just told you. There is something special about the anniversary of the day that I came into this physical form - but it's not about wanting or needing to feel special on this day. It's a universal alignment, much like a moon phase or a planetary formation. It comes around every year and it holds a very specific energy. I am aware of it and each year I understand it more clearly because my focus is not on expectations but on energetic empowerment.
So I don’t so much celebrate my birthday. I honour and respect the energies and I tap into the power so that I can experience my creativity in a deeper way. Also I love to share that energy through words of blessings with all those I encounter on that day.
May you be blessed with all good things. May you feel excitement and pleasure and well being and success and adventure. May you feel the love of friends and family and also of the strangers who wish you well. May you feel fulfillment as you know and realize your purpose. Above all may you feel joy … the joy that originates from the heavens and pulls you up into the clouds all while you are being lovingly held to the earth.
Today and everyday, may you feel my blessing and may it become your reality.